ouch..but at least i lost half a pound? still hurts to see though.. and oh jesus we filmed a video today for a econ project that i decided it would be a good decide to dance in .. yeah it was awful i promise. not the dancing necessarily, ive never been to conscious of my dancing haha idk why but the shirt i was wearing made me look like i had a belly.. and my boobs looked too small for my body.. out of proportion.. and i actually really hated the way my face looked too, thats never usually a concern of mine, but i swear i think its this past week having had gained weight, i feel like i see it in the face soo noticeably.. i wonder if other people notice too? or ive also thought before it was caused somehow by water weight and the use of laxatives.. (i slipped up and abused a set of laxs couple days ago cus i was felt so disgusting :/ ) anyhow, i feel gross and annoying and self conscious and ewwww not only seeing me in that video but hearing me and seeing me smile i dont like my smile when its like natural?or something ugh even though i kinda actually like my smile when i try.. meehh why cant i jus be okay with something for once?
still have to edit video(thats already late...awesome..).. still have to apply for ucsc housing.. ears/guestlist/GRADES/ughhhhhhhh i feel so anxious/overwhelmed/too much to fucking do..
as for today..
intake;
-east beach salad(lettuce, carrots, jicama, grilled veggies, guacamole)
-sauteed tofu
-two mugs of green tea this morning
-several glasses of water
outtake;
-dancing er whatever? commercial/school
sins;
-one grit.. wanted more, no more
-----> 7 close to ideal in theory, however, this is what ill be wanting ot do to stay stable, not to lose 5 to 10 pooundssss blah i need to get my eyebrows done i feel gross ew and i sound spoiled :/ i only talk like this when i know its here i swear? hah no really i promise.. im jus tired and grumpy and exhausted and eh
overwhelmed w/thoughts
previously successfully suppressed until now some h
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