relapse who knew

i relapsed today at work and last night after the yacht party( !!um yes..) we went to jack in hte box and had tacos and a shake and curly fries. and even typing that right now makes me wannna eat it!!!! fuck im disgusting. i think what i really need to do is start going to bed ata decent hour, getting up at a decent hour, getting back into routine chores, work, etc. and take my medication on time!! neglecting it is fucking me too hard to keep going along wih it.

now i have to get ready for the deepakalypse show and im still in bed from my 3oclock nap and stilll feeling sssuuuuuperduper fatty EWWW

day#2

wake up; 11:10 to go to the beach in the 71 mustang with adrian

(last night.. in the stang.. soooo yummy mmm damn)

intake;

-garden burger w/avocado(almost all of it :/)

-small blueberry "fiber" muffin

-half grapefruit

-carrot muffin

-cinnomin graham crackers dipped in milk

outtake;

-purged several times after my lil eating party ^^ :(

-i wanna go to the gym after thisss i havnt been in like three monthsssssss

sins;

-gritssss like 5?

---->3 milk way shitty, and graham crackers but really? like dessert?? fuck if youre hungry eat good shit healthy stuff cmonnnnnn blah! i was even in a bikini while i was eating this shit i mean goddamn youd think thatd make it betterrrr

les go les go les go!

day#1

wake up; 12 ish esque ly

chores; garage orginize/clean up/get ready for sale, clean room, clean kitchen up, laundry, folded laundry

intake;

-carrot muffin

-couple handfuls of chedder popcorn

-emergen-C

-aproximately 4 glasses of water thus far

outtake;

-chores mightve count as exercise?

-purge several times after the muffin an popcorn breakfast.. only ate it because i woke up hungry due to the massive amounts of stuffing my face that i did yesterday.. how lovely ha

sins;

-took additional 50mg of meds to encourage me to get up and smell the coffee goddammmmn

well ill be back wish me luck, i want this to be good for me. i know it will be challenging to stick to plans of diets exercise limited drugs and alchohol in order to stabilize and strengthen my core, but i need to process the fact that the motive behind this is far greater than worth it. the cause dependant on my past and will mold the path to my future. hold on, i have a feeling itll be a wild ride.. jus remember youre stronger and far more mentallya nd physically capable than you realize!!!!!!!! love you pretty lady xoxoxoxxxxxxxxxxxxx